Change a picture of getting ignored to one of being adored; change a picture of being rejected into a bright, vivid visualization of a beautiful woman pressing her phone number into your palm.
Now change the submodalities. Make the images in your limiting mind small, distant, black-and-white, slow-moving, blurry, and dark. Whenever your limiting mind images pop up, instantly replace them with large, bright, sharp, colorful pictures of successful situations. Associate with these images by seeing them through your own eyes. Let Go of Your Outcome One of the biggest problems men have with approaching women is magnifying the meaning of the interaction and focusing too intently on achieving one specific outcome— whether it be exchanging phone numbers, making out, having sex, or beginning a romantic relationship.
Emotionally detaching from the outcome—while rationally working toward your goal—will significantly alleviate your anxiety. This is why the Stylelife Challenge offers small, easy- to-accomplish goals rather than large, unlikely ones. People can be random, unpredictable, chaotic creatures. And sometimes you may truly be surprised.
So why constrain the possibilities of a new encounter by being dependent on a particular outcome? Remove Failure from Your Vocabulary The word failure has different meanings for different people. To most people, failure means approaching and being rejected. My definition of failure is quitting, giving up, or never approaching at all. Do you feel an emotional sting? Why do we value her opinion over theirs? You guessed it: the limiting mind. Practice the Crash and Burn Strategy If, after reading this, you still have a crippling fear of social rejection, then go out and try to get rejected.
Every accomplished social artist I know has a ton of rejections under his belt. And that is why I succeed. I took a student out once and tried to get us rejected to help him past his fears.
The conversation went something like this: ME: Hey! How are you doing? Could you blow us out? We need to get blown out. THEM: Huh? Not at all! We ended up having a pleasant conversation for forty-five minutes, after which we exchanged contact information. Feel free to prove it to yourself.
Next time you see someone you want to talk to, open your mouth and say the first thing that comes to mind. Then you can adjust your attitude to expect nothing and prepare for everything.
Or, as the poet Samuel Hazo puts it: Expect everything, and anything seems nothing. Expect nothing, and anything seems everything. If there were a single sentence that magically made women fall in love or lust, every man would be using it.
Most of what people call pickup lines are actually comedic one-liners that were never legitimately used to meet women in the first place. What does exist is a specific sequential process that can be used to develop a romantic or sexual relationship with a woman. And this process begins with the opener, perhaps the most important part of the interaction. Your task is to turn to your Day 7 Briefing and read the field guide to openers before beginning the next mission.
Choose a topic that is likely to capture the interest of most people. It can be a meaningful, debate- inspiring subject based on a relationship or spiritual crisis, or it can be a specific, trivial subject based on a popular culture, travel, health, or social customs query. For example, I was having a debate with a friend one day over the names of the oceans. Okay, how many continents are there?
Right, seven. And how many oceans? Okay, five. My friend and I have been stuck on this all day. We can only come up with four. Make sure your attitude about whatever you ask is positive and that you avoid discussing anything that might reflect badly on you, such as creepy topics like serial killers or insecure questions about yourself. It is not necessary to have three successful interactions; just three approaches.
If any went well, write down the reasons you believe they worked. Approach 1: Approach 2: Approach 3: Now review your list. If so, cross them out and replace them with an error you may have made. Then write down a suggestion for what you could have done differently to make the approach more successful. Answer: countless times.
Usually, the scenario ends like this: Slowly she starts looking around the bar, losing interest. The guy makes a desperate move and asks for her phone number. Game over. Why does this happen? The comedian Chris Rock knows why. The following guide includes the basics of using and developing these openers. It serves as a vehicle for you to display your personality.
There are many different types and classes of openers. And even then they may not always work. I prefer indirect openers because, when performed correctly, they work 95 percent of the time. And those are pretty good odds in this game, or any game.
Most indirect openers are premeditated and scripted. For now, though, think of indirect scripted openers as training wheels—ones that work so well many guys never want to remove them. Before the Opener The game begins before you open your mouth. Because the initial approach is such a critical moment, everything from your body language to your energy level takes on extra significance.
Here are a few points to keep in mind when approaching a woman or a group of strangers: Always have something better to do than meeting women. Everyone wants to be with the most popular person in the room. From the second you walk in, be engrossed in an animated conversation with your friends. Then, when you notice someone you want to approach, wheel around and start a conversation. The art of the approach is the art of spontaneity. Instead, turn your head and ask over your shoulder.
Once the group begins to enjoy the conversation, you may turn and face them. Smile when you approach. Most people are out to have fun. Make sure that everyone can hear you, is paying attention, and is involved in the conversation. If you lose just one person, you risk losing the whole group. The more men there are in the group, the less likely it is that the women in it have been approached. Make sure you pay attention to the men in a group.
Instead, open a group next to them. Then, during a high point of the interaction, casually involve the woman you originally wanted to meet in the discussion. What to Say There are three traits a successful indirect opener should possess: It should appear spontaneous, be motivated by curiosity, and be interesting to most people.
There are also many subtleties. Never begin by asking a question that requires a yes or no response. Pause for a moment, and if no one fills in the silence with an opinion, continue with your story. Where men are initially attracted to beauty, most women are initially attracted to status. And a man of high status never apologizes for his presence. A well camouflaged opinion opener can still evoke ten minutes of excited responses—which are also ten minutes you can use to showcase your humor and personality.
YOU: Hey guys, let me get your take on something. YOU: Okay, this is a two-part question. Assuming that the person is just your friend, and nothing would ever happen. What if this friend was someone you used to sleep with?
So it depends. YOU: Okay, makes sense. But if he keeps talking to her, his girlfriend will resent him. It contains no magic formula that will make a woman swoon at your feet.
After the Opener A good opener will naturally lead to other questions and topics of conversation. Make sure you have one. I know because I used to be that way, until I discovered that one of the keys to drawing people to you—and making them want to stay there—is radiating positivity.
If the opener is about someone in college, you should know what college it is. If you deliver the opener correctly, she will most likely be curious and ask follow-up questions. So be prepared. As soon as the energy starts to flag, or you catch yourself thinking too hard of something to say to continue the conversation, the opener is over. Cut the thread and move on. If you try hard, you die hard. One of the paradoxes of the game is that it takes a lot of effort to appear effortless.
So feel free at any point to go to www. For now, just remember that whatever happens during the opener is feedback. A rejection is not a comment on you but on your technique. If she says she has to go to the bathroom, it means you made her uncomfortable. Adjust your future approaches based on these responses and develop answers that will transform common objections into attraction-building material.
But few have ever regretted making an approach, no matter what happened. The pain of letting yourself down is much greater than anything someone else can say. Some of you may have found that conversations began with ease.
Others, not so much. So turn to your Day 8 Briefing and read about the two keys before continuing to the next mission. This time, add both a root and a time constraint to each approach. MISSION 3: Evaluate When you return home, ask yourself if there was anything different about the responses you received from women you approached today, compared with those you approached yesterday. There your fellow Challengers will evaluate and, if necessary, strengthen the material.
Anything reasonable qualifies as a root, as long as it lets the woman or group know why you walked up and started talking to them about that particular subject at that very moment. Time Constraints For most inexperienced men, the game consists of approaching a woman and trying to stay in constant conversation until she either dismisses him or sleeps with him. Because of this, women have developed a vast array of tactics to get rid of guys who lurk too long. It can be physical as well.
When you use both a time constraint and a root, it allows the woman or group to stop worrying about what you want and how to get rid of you, and relax enough to listen to what you have to say. But wait, you may be thinking. If you just told her you have to leave in a minute, how are you supposed to keep talking to her after the opener?
Good question. So, reluctantly, you allow her to take up a little more of your precious time. Becoming that guy is what the next week of the Stylelife Challenge is all about. Your task is to look over the previous eight days of assignments. Then ask yourself: Is there any mission I skipped? Have I backslid in my vocal training, posture, grooming, or commitment to my goals? Take this opportunity to explore or repeat any previous assignments and exercises you need to reinforce. Your mission is to approach two groups of three or more people that include men as well as women.
At least not yet. So your final task today is to read your Day 9 Briefing and prepare to learn how to learn. When I first set off on my journey to learn the game, a college junior named Chad emailed me. He had discovered the world of pickup artistry six months earlier and was already well versed in the basic concepts. However, he was still a virgin. He was far better looking than I was, with a stocky build, wavy black hair, and a square jaw. And Chad, despite working just as hard, was still a virgin.
So I sat down with him one night and tried to figure out why. The reason, we eventually realized, was that we had different strategies for learning. Afterward, I began developing the fourteen laws of learning that follow.
They apply not just to the game, but to school, work, and hobbies. Make sure you understand and can practice each principle before moving on to the next.
Acquire and apply knowledge in small chunks. Some people are perfect preparers. They want to gather every scrap of information on a subject before taking action. The best way to learn the game is to take it one step at a time. Just learn what you need to get to the next level.
When you master openers, then learn how to continue the conversation. There is no such thing as rejection, only feedback. A lot of people get discouraged and give up after a single setback or rejection. If you possess the ability to learn from your mistakes, then failure is literally impossible, because each rejection brings you closer to perfection. Who do you blame when something goes wrong during an approach? It was your fault. So never blame any person or situation.
Instead, demonstrate a willingness to examine yourself and accept criticism without taking it personally. Learn actively rather than passively. Anyone can sit in a seminar or buy a DVD and learn the principles, but the guys who win the game are the ones who can apply them. One of the biggest problems men have when it comes to meeting women is that they rehearse negative scenarios in their minds.
Often, these become excuses not to go out and try something new. Instead, get out of the house, make a few approaches, and if any of these scenarios happens to occur in real life, then find out what to do. Understand how your mind learns. The psychological field of neurolinguistic programming NLP offers a useful four-step model of how the mind learns.
It can serve as a yardstick to measure your progress. In the parlance of the game, this is when you finally become a so-called natural. Be willing to go through the pain period. This game is not an easy one. What separates an amateur from a champion is the willingness to push through that fear and do it anyway. They may make fun of you for wanting to improve. It happened to me. It also happened to Oprah: When she lost weight, she lost friends.
This surprised her at first, until she learned that her largeness had given them an excuse to feel better about their own bodies. Let it be their problem, not yours. Before I learned the game, I considered myself an intelligent and successful person. I said things I thought would drive women away, but instead they attracted them.
I wore outrageous clothes I thought would get me laughed out of the room, but instead they motivated women to approach me. Once something works, figure out how and why it works. There are some men who do great just following these instructions and repeating the routines.
But the ones who become superstars are the ones who, after a series of successes, figure out why the routines worked and what made them work. Hang around someone better than yourself. This is the single best way to improve in any area. Make sure that your ratio of effort to results is increasing.
When learning a new way of doing something, most people get worse at the task before getting better. Finish what you begin. Most people can accomplish just about anything within the realm of possibility. Despite this, they never realize their dreams. This is going to be the most difficult day of the Challenge so far—but also the most rewarding. For the second approach, use a different disqualifier.
Afterward, take a short break and think of a third potential way to disqualify her. As we discussed it the next morning, we discovered that the difference between the unsuccessful guys and the successful guys boiled down to one thing: lack of neediness. The guys who went home alone were too available. The successful guys all played hard to get.
They understood a basic tenet of human nature: The harder we have to work for something, the more we value it. Thus the lesson for today: In every interaction, be the person giving validation, not the one needing it.
One of the quickest and most playful ways to accomplish this is through disqualification. Even though you may be chasing her, disqualification turns the tables and makes her want to chase you. If the concept sounds odd, consider this: Beautiful women are constantly approached by men. They assume that nearly every guy wants to sleep with them. Another advantage is that disqualifying a woman in a group can help you win over her friends, who are used to repelling the steady stream of men vying for her attention.
By waiting before showing interest, you give her an opportunity to win you over with her charm, personality, and intelligence. Not every relationship requires disqualification.
Sometimes the feelings are mutual, and two people are attracted to each other right away. Most disqualifiers are meant to be playful. However, a disqualifier should never be hostile, critical, judgmental, or condescending. And disqualification is never intended to be mean or insulting. So say these with a smile on your face and laughter in your voice, as if you were good-naturedly picking on a younger sibling.
Screening Women test men. Take a moment to imagine your ideal woman. Then list below five specific criteria you would like her to possess. Consider such qualities as personality, looks, upbringing, values, interests, knowledge, and life experience. Now list five deal breakers. Keep in mind that this is just an exercise. When dating, remain open to the unexpected. In the meantime, this list will provide you with endless criteria for disqualification.
On the simplest level, you can ask what her favorite films are and then act as if her answer is a deal breaker. Nice meeting you. You and my grandma would really get along. The point of screening is never to make a woman feel bad about herself but to set yourself apart from the hordes of men who will sleep with anyone indiscriminately.
Push-Pull The opposite of disqualification is qualification, or acceptance. When used together, these two techniques are very powerful. Taking control of an interaction by alternating back and forth between these two poles—punishment and reward, validation and invalidation, approval and disapproval, qualification and disqualification, push and pull—is one of the key ways to amplify attraction. Like everything else in the game, push-pull should be doled out humorously and not cruelly.
One way to make the process fun is to put her on a point system: Give her points for good behavior and subtract points for bad behavior. If you want to push it further, tell her that she can claim rewards at certain point thresholds: At forty points she gets to touch your bicep, at eighty she gets the first three digits of your phone number. Perhaps the most fun form of push-pull is inventing a relationship prematurely. Then, moments later, pretend to be upset by something she just said or did and change the status of the relationship.
Save her from you. Often, trying to drive someone away is the best way to get her to chase you. Give yourself a monetary value. This is something women often do with men, but men rarely do with women. Go over the top. Exaggerate her greatness and pretend to be an awestruck admirer. Reverse roles. Employ her. Then, of course, fire her moments later. Be the snob. All those immature things the popular girls in school may have said to you, you may now say to her. The annoying things your parents and teachers told you are also fair game.
Make her compete. The list is endless. Any line a guy might use to hit on her, you should say the opposite. Tone is everything.
The point of the disqualifier is to raise your status to her level or above. But if she thinks your status is already far above hers, then most of these comments will make you sound obnoxiously arrogant rather than playfully cocky. So evaluate the situation before getting too hardcore with the material. Finally, if you dish it out, be prepared to take it.
She may respond to your disqualifier with a sharp comment of her own. This a good thing. Just be prepared with an even more clever retort to fire back. The work question is an opportunity that most people waste.
When I asked him what he was working on, he said he was going to school to learn about new mobile phone technology. So we developed a better way for him to answer the question. Your mission is to fill it out and learn to succinctly express what makes you special without bragging.
Use an opener that contains a time constraint and a root. Be ready to respond with a question or comment. I wonder which one of you is the black sheep. You may also choose to continue talking to the group if the conversation is going well. If anyone asks what you do, answer with the identity statement you created today. Try to use the statement in at least one of your interactions.
The task is complete after you have followed steps 1 through 3 with three different groups of people. And even when we do understand these things, we often find it difficult to change them. If your inner game needs a new set of rules, this document just may change your life. Answer based on how you actually spend your time, not on what you think will please women. Which of the items you listed above best defines you? What are the most interesting or adventurous aspects of the job, hobby, or course of study you selected?
List each aspect, along with the ways it could affect people. Your goal is to make the job or hobby sound important and exciting. Become a and you can Examples: Become an engineer, and you can design the mobile phone of the future. Become a guitarist, and you can tour the world playing rock shows. Now examine the ad line you wrote. Then, using these tips, rewrite your ad line as simply, factually, and powerfully as possible in ten words or less. This is your identity statement.
Troubleshooting Most of the guidelines of the game are based on perceived relative status, and they change depending on how she feels your status compares to hers at any given time. So if you currently have a high-status position in society, rather than playing it up, play it down. Keep it vague. What he thinks, he becomes. I am a big, bright, shining star. Confidence earns the admiration of your coworkers, the respect of your friends, and the interest of women.
But many men struggle with this most crucial of characteristics. Even men with rock-hard abs and shiny red convertibles are sometimes unable to look women in the eye and speak with a strong voice, because a domineering mother or ex-wife damaged their self- esteem and confidence.
Instead, we control our minds. We control our emotions. We control our perceptions, our feelings, and our outlook. Harnessing ancient systems, King offers a concrete way to reprogram your mind so that you can stride through life with confidence, energy, and power. Building on both the mundane and the arcane, Huna offers a system of self-improvement that cuts through the confusion of modern life.
Essentially, Huna states that you are in control of your life, your mind, and your reality. A corollary to this is that our creative potential is unlimited. Within the Huna belief system, there are seven main principles. The world is what you think it is: The foundation of Huna, this principle asserts that you create your own personal experience of reality. There are no limits: There are no true boundaries between you and your body, you and others, or even you and God.
The divisions that we generally recognize are arbitrary constraints placed by limited consciousness. Energy flows where attention goes: When you dwell upon certain thoughts and feelings, you write the plotline for your life.
Focus is the fuel for your positive or negative perceptions. Now is the moment of power: At this moment, you are not hindered by any past experiences, and you are not obligated to any future duties except paying taxes, of course. To love is to be happy with: People exist through love, King says, and acknowledging this allows you to exist in a state of happiness with yourself as you are now and as you will become in the future. The simplest way to change a negative attitude to a positive one is to be aware of bad thoughts when they appear, then consciously change them to a positive opposite.
King disagrees. He explains that we can, in fact, control our subconscious. Mental and physical habits are learned responses stored in your subconscious memory and released by associated stimuli. Huna teaches that the only way to eliminate a bad habit is to give your subconscious a more effective way to deal with the stimuli.
One strategy is to consider changing your speech habits. Maybe you litter your speech with brain farts and pausers. Eventually, they became a habit. Instead of accepting this bad habit or trying to quit cold turkey, Huna teaches that we must replace it. So instead, teach your subconscious to dump your pauser by learning to speak more slowly. He provides several strategies for interacting with your subconscious.
First of all, King suggests that you give it a name. Next, you can try one of two forms of memory search. Name a memory of something pleasant and see what the subconscious brings back in terms of detail and vividness.
Or you can ask your subconscious to return its own favorite memories. Memories you had forgotten will appear, and sensations will come flooding back. One way to do this is by striving for what King calls emotional freedom. Why am I feeling it right now? Even the act of self-examination itself can help you calm down. He also prescribes reprogramming as a technique to control your subconscious.
The only real ability you have on a conscious level is the power to direct your awareness and attention to a thought or experience. Failures and setbacks are fine. Deciding to quit is not. By using your mind to improve your life, you can build the confidence that is an absolutely vital component to being successful with women. These might include individuality, humor, trustworthiness, intelligence, artistic talent, or whatever else makes you stand out.
But how do you convey it? Welcome to storytelling day. Though most women tell guys that learning to listen is important, in the early stages of an interaction, learning to speak is more important. Your vehicle for doing this is your past. Rather than telling women your best qualities and most charming foibles, stories allow you to show them. And they provide the opportunity not just to fascinate a group of people but to inspire them to share their own stories in return.
Your tasks today will lead you toward the generation and performance of the perfect story. Your Comment:. Read Online Download.
Add a review Your Rating: Your Comment:. Rules of the Game by Neil Strauss. The Game by Neil Strauss. The Damnation Game by Clive Barker. Software Images icon An illustration of two photographs. Images Donate icon An illustration of a heart shape Donate Ellipses icon An illustration of text ellipses.
The Game Item Preview. EMBED for wordpress. Want more? Advanced embedding details, examples, and help! Publication date Publisher William Morrow Collection inlibrary ; printdisabled ; internetarchivebooks ; delawarecountydistrictlibrary ; china ; americana Digitizing sponsor Internet Archive Contributor Internet Archive Language English.
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